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Episode 17: Getting Nowhere Slowly
Narrator: Some epic news music begins playing. Stills of nearby forum sub-sections, such as General Chat and Wisdom Discussion, can be seen. An amazing graphic animation is displayed, showing the C9N Title. Channel Nine News; live from C9N HQ with Wesley Myers, Ralph Ziggles, and Dxthegod.
Dxthegod: ---INGIN' SWEET HOME ALABAMA ALL SUMMER LONG!!! Mr. Ziggles: Uh, we're on air! Dxthegod: OH... right... uh... of course... I... I knew that. Uhh... so. Welcome to Channel Nine News. I'm Dxthegod, alongside Ralph Ziggles... Mr. Ziggles: Hey. Dxthegod: ...And Wesley Myers. Wesley: How ya doin'. Dxthegod: Before we get down to business, please acknowledge that this episode is sponsored by Lucky Candy. Lucky Candy! Taste the glory! ...OR... DIE! Mr. Ziggles: Well, after hosting a poll on Wesley's blog, we have some good news about our show's popularity. Wesley? Wesley: OH... um... wellllll... uh-heh... Mr. Ziggles: ...You... DID... host a poll on your blog... right? Wesley: Uhh... y-yes... yes, of course... uh... Dxthegod: ...And...? Wesley: Uhh... our viewers... said... that, um... we're doing... fine... and uh... we don't need to change anything... uh, yea, that... that's... uh, yea, that's exactly what happened... Mr. Ziggles: OK... then how come our popularity has just dropped the most it ever has in the past few months? Wesley: WELL... y'see... we hardly ever broadcast... and... well... with this forum upgrade... uh... people have got fed up and quit... so uh... it's no surprise... that, um... our... popularity is... eheh... well... it's... uh... Dxthegod: IT'S UNDER NINE THOUSAND!!! Mr. Ziggles: WHAT!!? NINE THOUSAND?! THERE'S NO WAY THAT CAN BE RIGHT!!! ...CAN IT?! Wesley: I.... think it's... uh... right... Mr. Ziggles: ...You didn't host the poll, did you. Wesley: Nope... man, this is turning out just like that dream I had last night, only in the dream I wasn't wearing any pants... Dxthegod: *ahem*... Wesley: .....I'm not wearing any pants, am I. Mr. Ziggles: Nope..... and our popularity isn't as high as we thought it would be... isn't it. Wesley: ...Nope. Dxthegod: DOT AY VEE EYE!!! Narrator: Dx's hat then floated into the air, and his neck grew up into it. Mr. Ziggles: Well THAT was weird... Dxthegod: ...I'm not WEARING a hat... Mr. Ziggles: Oh, well this is just perfect. Dxthegod: What do you mean? It's FAR from perfect! Wesley: ...He was BEING sarcastic. Dxthegod: Uhh... of course... er, so was I! Mr. Ziggles: You don't even know what sarcasm is, do you? Dxthegod: Of course I do... so what, it's like a... type o' cake? Mr. Ziggles: Nope... Dxthegod: I WAS BEING... uhh... SARCASTIC...! ...Anyways, Wesley, where are your pants?! Wesley: Gonzales confenscated them as "punishment" for showing up here last time while I was grounded. Dxthegod: Uh... right... of course... I knew that. Just uh... makin' sure you... understood .... uh, why... why you had your pants confenscated. I'm a tad surprised he would remember something from so long ag----ARE YOU DRINKING ALCOHOL, YOUNG MAN? UNDERAGE??! Wesley: Dude, it's a root beer. Dxthegod: A WHAT KIND OF BEER?! Mr. Ziggles: *sigh*... Dxthegod: YOU ARE GROUNDED, MI--- Narrator: Suddenly, the phone rings. Wesley: I GOT IT... Gonzales: YOU ARE GROUNDED, MISTER!!!...oh, I see XDtg was already grounding you... o_o... uhh... YOU ARE GROUNDED ... LONGER ... FOR ... CONFUSING ME!!! Mr. Ziggles: While these guys keep up with the drama, we'll head over to Tommy Toad for Sports. Dxthegod: OH? AND WHAT MAKES YOU THINK YOU HAVE THE AUTHOURITY TO DO THA---
SPORTS
Tommy Toad: Well, actually, a crazy man somehow ... took over the sports franchise chain, and.... long story short, no more Sports. I guess you could say we're cancelled... for now, anyways... not to mention we are fresh out of ideas, amazingly, and--- Dxthegod: LIES! LIES AND SLANDER!!! Tommy Toad: .........Aaaaaaannnnnnnd...... we're gonna have to end this episode early... for no apparent reason. There's totally not some shocking twist in next episode that we're dying to air... also, before we go... Dx, are you aware you went an entire episode without insulting anyone? Dxthegod: ...Yea? Aaaaaaaaand? Tommy Toad: Including Dr.Goomba and Shy G--- Dxthegod:
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