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Episode 15: A New Rivalry; and an Old Friend Takes a Break
Mr. Ziggles: Welcome one and all, to the next blockbuster episode of Channel 9 News. Your hosts, live from C9N HQ, myself, Wesley Myers, and Dxthegod. Yes, you read right, Dxthegod. (Man, we need to get some better funding to hire a better.... Episode..... Name........ Giver..... Toer..... thingy... er whatever....) Wesley: Recent events have resulted in our lead host throwing everything he had down the drain. We will see more from him later on in the show, as Dxthegod is the special guest on Reviews with Wesley. Stay tuned, you won't want to miss it! Mr. Ziggles: Unfortunately, Dxthegod isn't here right now. We can only hope that he isn't... dead... Wesley: Oh, I hope he's all right. I have no idea where he is, I haven't seen him for a while! But for now, we go live to Dxthegod with some breaking news. Dxthegod: Well, as you can see, I'm here outside of General Chat, where there has been a revival in competition for us, as Happyman ressurected the long dead SMF Weekly News, previously hosted by Gaurd. Surely, this will affect our program's activity, as we struggle to maintain activity in order to compete with our seemingly "on-the-ball" rivals. For now, we go back to the studio, with Dxthegod. Narrator: A moment of silence passed before suddenly, Dxthegod rushed into the building, taking up his seat in the studio. Dxthegod: That was some damn fine reporting, Dx. DAMN fine.
SPORTS
Mr. Ziggles: In other news, the Shy Guys traveled to Minnisota where they would take on the Starmen. Wesley: It was a fierce, yet low scoring game, where all the goals scored were in the third frame. Mr. Ziggles: The first of which was scored by Martoad Havlat, after a breakaway when Carolina's defense collapsed, about six minutes into the period. Dxthegod: They weren't done there though, as Justin Falkoopa would score a goal with 5 minutes to go in the game. The Shy Guys' chances of a comeback looked slim, as they were now down 2-0 with under 4 minutes left to play. Wesley: The head coach of Carolina called a timeout with 2 and a half minutes to go, as they went on the powerplay after a penalty on Brandon Suttoad, who as we know, is related to Dxthegod, so it's no surprise he got a penalty. Dxthegod: Yes, and that powerplay didn't work, unfortu---hey, wait... did you just blame me for his penalty? Wesley: Well Dx, you've looked rather tense recently, and have displayed shorter tempers in the near past. Not to mention you've been overreacting on the shout whenever Doc says anythi--- Dxthegod: OVERREACTING? YOU WANT OVERREACTING?!?? Narrator: Dxthegod then proceeded to knock over the table, threw the chair at the teleproctor, and stormed out of the room. Mr. Ziggles: Umm......... yeaaa, I'm not payin' for the damages this time..... er, where were we? Uhh, right... the powerplay didn't seem to get a whole lot done, as they failed to put one in. Wesley: Even with the empty net, giving them the 6-on-4, they let one slide in and they would end up losing this one 3-0. Mr. Ziggles: Truly a devestating loss for the Shy Guys. I just hope they can pull themselves together in their next game against the Chain Chomps. Wesley: Other results are shown below:
Darla: For weather today, we're expecting sun all day, with a low chance of showers later on. We're looking at a thunderstorm tonight, with a high of 7 this afternoon and a low of -2. We have some clouds moving in over the interior, so expect rain. Lots of rain. And possibly even snow. Maybe even hail, I don't know... I mean... yes, of course I know... er... GO TO THE NEXT SEGMENT... UMM... Dxthegod: Hahah, wait, there's one thing I wanted to say before I forget. Chuck Norris once worked as a weatherman for the San Diego evening news. Every night he would make the same forecast: Partly cloudy with a 75% chance of Pain. This fact, as well as many others, can be found in none other than my own, Great Big Book of Chuck Norris Facts *Holds up book *, which can be yours for a low price of $19.99 US. But wait, I'm not done there! If you call within the next half hour, I'll throw in this Komodo Old Spice absolutely free! Yes, that's right, you get not only the Great Big Book of Chuck Norris Facts, but as my gift to you, you also get this Komodo Old Spice. If you don't like the Great Big Book of Chuck Norris Facts, you can send it back for a FULL refund. But keep my Komodo Old Spice product as my gift to you, because I'm just that sure you'll love this product. Call soon before the lines get busy, because this is a once-in-a-lifetime offer! We're practically giving these things away! Don't delay, call now! 1-800-XDII-C9N! That's 1-800-9344-296! Call now to get this amazing offer! This is a internet-only offer, meaning you can't find this deal anywhere else! So stop hesitating! Pick up your phone now and call 1-800-9344-296! That's 1-800-9344-296! Don't delay, call now! 1-800-9344-296! That number again is 1-800-9344-296! If you want to know all the secrets of Chuck Norris, as well as smell like the man your man could smell like, call 1-800-9344-296! Remember, this deal won't last forever, so call now! 1-800-9344-296!
TEN THINGS AT RANDOM
Spoiler:
INTERVIEWS WITH WESLEY
Wesley: Hello once again, and welcome to everyone's favorite segment of the show. The part of the show where I, the legendary Wesley Xyrz... er... Wesley Myers... Dxthegod: AHAH! SO IT'S TRUE!!! Wesley: *Ahem*... interview someone of my choosing... Dxthegod: OH, STOP TRYING TO CHANGE THE SUBJECT! Wesley: I'm not the one trying to change the subject! I'm here trying to interview you, and there you are raving about that... conspiracy thing that died a week ago, however long ago last episode aired, I don't know! Dxthegod: OK, OK, enough arguing... Wesley: We're not arguing! It's a.... strongly worded debate! Dxthegod: No, I'm pretty sure we're arguing. Wesley: We're debating! Dxthegod: Arguing! Wesley: Debating! Dxthegod: Arguing! Wesley: Debating! Dxthegod: Arguing! Wesley: Deba--- Mr. Ziggles: I can't believe you guys are actually having an argument about whether or not you're having an argument... Wesley: And I can't believe that Dxthegod is still going on about that old conspiracy that he brought up last time! That's exactly what it is! A conspiracy, and nothing more! Dxthegod: And I can't believe it's not butter! HAH-ZIIIIING!!! Wesley: Alright, now that that's over with..... how does it feel to be here on the show? Dxthegod: Well, to be honest... it feels like I died some time long ago, and this is my eternal punishment. Wesley: ..... Dxthegod: ...P'TAH, JUST KIDDING, JUST KIDDING... ahah... seriously though, it feels great to be here. Wesley: OK, so, rumors are that you're thinking of quitting. Clare to clrify? ...*ahem*, that is... Fair to carifly? *cough* DAMN TONGUE TWISTERS!! Dxthegod: T'KAAHAHAHAHAHHAHAH... OHHHH WESLEY MAN, YOU ARE SO FUNNY WITH YOUR..... FUNNINESS...... AND UH.... *ahem*.... no, I'm not quitting. Whoever came up with that stupid lie can take it, turn it sideways, and stick it STRAIGHT UP THEIR CANDIED A--- Wesley: Woooaaaah man, easy, remember we're an E-rated network... Dxthegod: What? I was gonna say candied apples... Wesley: Oh... uh, nevermind then.... uhh...... well, people say you resigned from Moderator for no reason. What gives? Dxthegod: Well, I've been stressed out from not only school, but it's also that damn Doc... he's SO ANNOYING! I mean, he can't go five seconds without saying "penis", and he always find some way to--- Wesley: UHH, MOVING ON..... uhh..... same thing with you resigning from GLM Admin... Dxthegod: Like I said, I've been stressed out recently and am in desperate need of a break. ....And that Doc, UGH, HE JUST MAKES ME WANNA--- Wesley: UM, CUT TO COMMERCIALS!!! Director: We've been running commercial free since like, episode.... 5, was it? I dunno man, it's been so long I can't even remember... let's see.... if episode 6 was the one where... Narrator: As the director tried remembering what episode it was, while thinking out loud, Dxthegod continued with his racial slurs and outbursts towards Doc. Suddenly... Wesley: OH, THAT'S IT, UHH..... CUT TO THE VIDEO OF THE WEEK!!! Director: Er, Video of the Week, sir? Wesley: WEEK, DAY, I DON'T CARE WHICH... I MEAN, THEY'RE BOTH THE SAME THING?!!!!?
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*, which can be yours for a low price of $19.99 US. But wait, I'm not done there! If you call within the next half hour, I'll throw in this Komodo Old Spice absolutely free! Yes, that's right, you get not only the Great Big Book of Chuck Norris Facts, but as my gift to you, you also get this Komodo Old Spice. If you don't like the Great Big Book of Chuck Norris Facts, you can send it back for a FULL refund. But keep my Komodo Old Spice product as my gift to you, because I'm just that sure you'll love this product. Call soon before the lines get busy, because this is a once-in-a-lifetime offer! We're practically giving these things away! Don't delay, call now! 1-800-XDII-C9N! That's 1-800-9344-296! Call now to get this amazing offer! This is a internet-only offer, meaning you can't find this deal anywhere else! So stop hesitating! Pick up your phone now and call 1-800-9344-296! That's 1-800-9344-296! Don't delay, call now! 1-800-9344-296! That number again is 1-800-9344-296! If you want to know all the secrets of Chuck Norris, as well as smell like the man your man could smell like, call 1-800-9344-296! Remember, this deal won't last forever, so call now! 1-800-9344-296!
