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Episode 16: Viewers' Special
Narrator: Some epic news music begins playing. Stills of nearby forum sub-sections, such as General Chat and Wisdom Discussion, can be seen. An amazing graphic animation is displayed, showing the C9N Title. Channel Nine News; live from C9N HQ with Wesley Myers, Ralph Ziggles, and Dxthegod.
Dxthegod: ---OLD YOU I DON'T KNOW HOW MANY TIMES THAT MY SUIT IS 100% POLYESTER, AND THAT SPILLING COFFEE ON IT JUST MAKES MY LIFE THAT MUCH MORE OF A... what? We're live? Oh, um..... ignore... that..... uh, I was just... er, practicing..... uh... ranting..... for when.... SOMEONE INCONSIDERATE, DECIDES TO SPILL THEIR STEAMING HOT CUP OF COFFEE... WESLEY... ON MY EXPENSIVE SUIT, AS A "PRANK"!!! ....*ahem*... er, welcome to... uh, yea... the show. ...uh.......er, hold on... before we start... heh... I should say this now... what kind of a name is Ralph? Mr. Ziggles: Weeeellllll........ Wesley: Would ya look at that... he's making fun of someone else's name for a change. Dxthegod: Heh, I mean, really... Ralph?? That's almost as dumb a name as Myers! Mr. Ziggles: Heheh... Wesley: ...I stand corrected... Dxthegod: Well technically, you're sitting. Wesley: YOU KNOW WHAT I MEANT! Dxthegod: Well, I'm smart, but I'm sure as hell not telepathic... Mr. Ziggles: Um... geez, I feel so left out of these conversations all the time... Wesley: QUIET RALPH, THIS DOESN'T INVOLVE YOU!!! Dxthegod: ME AND WESLEY ARE THE VICTIMS OF THIS FEUD, NOT YOU, MR.Z! Mr. Ziggles: Er, you mean Wesley and I. Take out the other person's name to see which sounds proper. "Me am the victim of this feud"? I don't think so. Dxthegod: OH, WELL SOOOORRRRRYYYY I'M NOT SOME KIND OF GRAMMAR NAZI WHO--- Mr. Ziggles: See, that's exactly what I'm talking about. Every episode, you two are always arguing about SOMETHING. The very first episode, when Wesley joined, way back in episode 4, it was about his paycheck, a few episodes later it was about him not putting the coffee on, then you guys were arguing about which coffee is better, caf or decaf, the next one was about his last name, then in episode 8 you were having that TWSS battle... terrible battle, might I add... Dx got mad and left, you were stuck with Dianne, Tom, and whoever the heck else decided to show up, and I, having seen your broadcasts on several occasions, felt the urge to set things straight, so I, your knight in shining armor, saved you, but NO, that didn't seem to help! And I didn't even get so much as a "thank you"! And no, it doesn't stop there, it keeps going! In Episode 10 you were on Wesley's case about his name again, and that continued in Episode 11 and 12, you didn't even know Episode 13 was broadcast on his birthday, which you also forgot the date of, and just recently, you were accusing him of stealing his name, which you claimed was stupid anyways, from the legendary Xyrz, without even investigating first, basically just saying that it rhymed with it. Then just last episode you basically said you'd rather be dead than in Wesley's company, and now here we are again arguing about names. Wesley: Geez... can you spell "run-on sentence"? Dxthegod: Mr. Z... I... just... what kind of a Grammar Nazi are you?! Run-on sentences??? REALLY?! Even WESLEY could avoid that! Wesley: Yea! Even We---hey... wait, I thought we were working together there! Dxthegod: I guess you thought wrong, "son". Wesley: "Son"? What's that supposed to mean? Mr. Ziggles: That's it, you two need to work out your problems. I'm locking you in the laundry room until you manage to do so. Dxthegod: HAH!!! Yea? You and what army? Narrator: Before Dxthegod could even finish his sentence, they had been locked into the room.
Dxthegod: Wesley... sit down. Let's have a nice, heartwarming talk. Wesley: Er, I already am sitting, but... OK... Dxthegod: Well... hmm... uh, nice shoes you're wearing... Wesley: Oh, uh, thanks... I got them from--- Dxthegod: You're adopted. Wesley: ---the new Superstore..... that just... opened... and...... what?? Dxthegod: Adopted. Wesley: ..... Dxthegod: Also it turns out the guy I adopted you with--- Wesley: YOU'RE GAY?!? Dxthegod: .....That is... the guy I adopted you with... turns out to be my long-lost cousin. Wesley: Wha---.... y--.....w....well---.....who... who's my father then? Er... my... uh, other.... father.... Dxthegod: You're not gonna believe this... but your other father is Chuck Norris. Wesley: ...You're kidding, right? Dxthegod: Hahah, yea... oh, I had a feeling you wouldn't buy that. Seriously though, your other father is Gonzales. Wesley: ...Really. Dxthegod: I speak no lies. Wesley: Hmm... interesting... hang on... IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE YOU'RE HIDING FROM ME??? Dxthegod: CLM and TehEpicness are your uncle, your real Grandpa is Glitch, not Isaiah Mustafa. Wesley: ...No... MY WHOLE LIFE, I'VE BEEN LIVING A LIE!!! Dxthegod: And y'know that one coffee maker you owned that you woke up one day and never knew what happened to it? Wesley: The one that never worked unless the cord was taped in a certain position, and the filter didn't work so I had to use that gym sock? Dxthegod: Yea, well... I kinda thought it was ammunition for my slingshot, and I sort of... catapulted it into the sun. Wesley: .............HOW... DO YOU MISTAKE A COFFEE MAKER... FOR SLINGSHOT AMMO?!? Dxthegod: It was an HONEST mistake... Wesley: COFFEE MAKERS ARE AT LEAST A HUNDRED TIMES BIGGER THAN SLINGSHOT AMMO, AND ON TOP OF THAT, IT RUNS ON A CORD!!! Dxthegod: Huh... WELLLL.......... THIS IS NEWS TO ME...... anything else you wanna tell me, Mister Smartical? Wesley: Smartical? Dxthegod: Yea, smartical. You think you're smarticaler than me. Wesley: Er... I don't think smartical is even a word. Dxthegod: ........ Sure it is! Wesley: Not in the English language, it's not... Dxthegod: Oh...... well...........
MEANWHILE
Gonzales: OK, I'm here... sorry I'm late, Wesley left the oven on and the kitchen burst into flames so I had to call the fire department and I haven't seen him since... Mr. Ziggles: Um.... who the hell are YOU? Gonzales: I'm Chuck Norris! *ahem* I mean uh.. *cough cough* I AM THE MIGHTY GONZALES!!! Mr. Ziggles: Speedy Gonzales? Gonzales: NO!!! DAMN IT, WHY DOES EVERYONE KEEP CALLING ME THAT??? *ahem*..... o_o Mr. Ziggles: So, um... waddya want. Gonzales: Uhh... I was hired as guest host to fill in for Wesley? Mr. Ziggles: Er, Wesley's here though... Gonzales: ...HE WHAT?!? I TOLD HIM HE WAS GROUNDED!!! Mr. Ziggles: Uhh, yea, he's ... well, I kinda locked him in the laundry room with Dx. Gonzales: NOT MY HUSBAND!!! I mean... er, we just... adopted Wesley... we never married... uhh...... o.o Mr. Ziggles: Ah, so you must be Mr. Thegod! Gonzales: Hah! More like Mr. Gonzales... I just told you we didn't get married, you idiot! NOW SHOW ME TO MY SON AND HUSBAND! ...SPOUSE! .......uh.... co-host? .....My cousin! Mr. Ziggles: Right this way...... Narrator: Mr. Ziggles reached into his pocket. Mr. Ziggles: Lemme just get the key....... and.... Narrator: A surprised look comes across the face of Ralph. Mr. Ziggles: AND... Narrator: He then checked all his pockets, for the key he had just realized he had misplaced. Gonzales: And.....? What's the hold up? Mr. Ziggles: I... BUT... THE KEY... AND... IT WAS IN MY POCKET JUST A SECOND AGO, AND... Wesley: Here it is! ....... something's not right here. Dxthegod: Wait... if the key is in here... Wesley: And Mr. Z is out there... Mr. Ziggles: And Madagascar is somewhere in this general area... *points to Madagascar on a map* Wesley: THEN THAT MEANS... Gonzales: OH NO!!! Dxthegod: OH NO!!!!! Mr. Ziggles: OH NO...!!! Wesley: OH NO!!!!!!!!!! Narrator: Suddenly, a large boom could be heard... Kool-Aid Guy: OOOOHHHHHH YEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!! Narrator: The Kool-Aid man looked awkwardly around the room, then slowly backed out. Dxthegod: ....Well...... Wesley: Not exactly the... dramatic love story I was gearing up for... but uh.... at least with that huge hole in the wall, kudos the Kool-Aid guy... we're outta this god-forsaken laundry room. Dxthegod: Good thing, too. We were running low on shoes, and I was getting hungry. Not to mention the dryer was low on power, so the shoes would have tasted bitter. Gonzales: ....Wesley. Dxthegod: Gonzales. Mr. Ziggles: Dxthegod. Gonzales: Tommy Toad... Wesley: Gonzales. Dxthegod: Mr. Z. Mr. Ziggles: Wesley. Wesley: Dianne. Tommy Toad: Mr. Ziggles. Director: Wesley. Gonzales: Narrator. Mr. Ziggles: Gonzales. Narrator: Director. Dxthegod: Wesley. Dianne: Mr. Ziggles. Tommy Toad: Dianne. Dxthegod: Special Effects Manager. Special Effects Manager: Gonzales. Gonzales: Executive Chief of Broadcasting. Mr. Ziggles: Narrator. Dianne: Wesley. Director: Tommy Toad. Narrator: Producer. Gonzales: Dianne. Executive Chief of Broadcasting: Dxthegod. Director: Guy running the teleprompter. Pikachu: PIKACHU!!!! *Uses Thunderbolt on everyone* Dxthegod: D'AAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!!! Y'SEE, GONZALES, THIS IS WHY I DON'T ALLOW YOUR VIRTUAL REALITY PROJECTS IN THE HOUSE, BECAUSE I FEARED EXACTLY THIS WOULD HAPPEN!!! Gonzales: HOLD ON A MINUTE! I THOUGHT WE AGREED THAT WESLEY WAS BANNED FROM THIS EPISODE FOR GETTING DRUNK AND DISRESPECTING US WHILE INTOXICATED!!! Mr. Ziggles: Uggghhh... If anyone needs me--- Wesley: NOPE. Mr. Ziggles: ...I'll be in the ANGRY DOME. Dxthegod: I NEVER GAVE HIM PERMISSION TO EVEN BE HERE!!! Gonzales: OH, AND I SUPPOSE YOU ALSO DIDN'T LET HIM OUT OF HIS CAGE, TOO?? Dxthegod: PUH-LEEASE!!! THAT THING IS MADE OF WOOD! ANY DRUNK HIPPY COULD EAT THEIR WAY OUT OF THAT THING!!! Wesley: Uh, guys, this is all time that could be spent broadcasting ne--- Gonzales: QUIET WHILE WE'RE TALKING! Dxthegod: WE'RE NOT TALKING, WE'RE ARGUING! Gonzales: TALKING! Dxthegod: ARGUING! Gonzales: TALKING! Dxthegod: ARGUING! Gonzales: TALKING! Dxthegod: ARGUING! Director: Ugh, well, now I know why Wesley is so awfully misguided... just look at his parents. Wesley: HEY! DON'T MAKE ME GO UPSIDE YOUR HEAD!!! Director: Alright, enough is enough! We're going live in 3... Gonzales: TALKING! Dxthegod: ARGUING! Director: 2... Gonzales: TALKING! Dxthegod: ARGUING! Gonzales: TALKING! Director: 1... Dxthegod: ARGUING! Gonzales: TALKING! Dxthegod: TALKING! Gonzales: ARGU---Talking... dammit! Dxthegod: HAH! I WIN! Director: Aaaand... action!
Dxthegod: Hello, and welcome to Channel Nine News, alongside... wait, were we offline this whole time? ...Anyways--- Director: CUT CUT CUT... ugh, let's take this from the top, people!
Episode 16: Viewers' Special (Take )
Dxthegod: Hello, and welcome to Channel Nine News. We have installed a teleprompter in your teleprompter so you can read off the teleprompter while you... read... off the... THAT'S IT, WHO'S THE GUY WORKING THAT TELEPROCTOR!?! Scruffy: Ssssscruffeh. Th'jannidder. Director: ...Forget it... just... just keep going, we'll see what happens... Dxthegod: AH-HAH!!! SO YOU ARE THE SOURCE OF LAST EPISODE'S SPELLING ERROR! IT'S MINNESOTA, YOU IDIOT!!! Gonzales: Uhh... so like.... hi... and such... Wesley: Our top story tonight... Gonzales: Sh'dap. Wesley: But... Gonzales: DON'T YOU LOOK AT ME IN THAT TONE OF READING!!! YOU ARE GROUNDED, MISTER!!! Wesley: I--- Dxthegod: THAT'S GROUNDED! With a capital G! ...and a W! then Q!... uh, and... and I know there's an X lodged somewhere in there... I don't suppose there's an L, for 200? ...Whaddah we tryin' to spell? Mr. Ziggles: Oh, it appears you've all calmed down... now... Welcome to Channel Nine News, alongside Dxthegod and Wesley. Gonzales: Err... y'mean Gonzales. Mr. Ziggles: Don't look at me, I'm just reading off the teleprompter. Gonzales: OK, I'll try to... er, endure... it. Mr. Ziggles: Good, because I'm not changing it. Dxthegod: Um... is there even any news we need to report today? Mr. Ziggles: This just in! If Mr. Ziggles actually says this, it proves how much of an idiot... HEY! I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE! NOT COOL! Scruffy: Heh... Dxthegod: Our top story tonight. After a forum "upgrade", many users have been left in a state of shock. Gonzales: It appears that some users, obviously Obama Haters... those racists... aren't ready for change. I myself don't see the problem with this upgrade, because the PHPBB staff said there'd be bugs, so we just have to live with it for now. Mr. Ziggles: We can only hope that... Mister Ziggles is stupid and will without a doubt read this out loud. Oh. Yea. Real mature. Dxthegod: P'TAHAHAHAHAH... ohh.... here's Tommy Toad with Sports. *sigh*...
SPORTS
Tommy Toad: It was a rather entertaining night as the Vancouver Koopas hosted the Pittsburgh Podoboos in what would be a very exciting game. The scoring spree started early in the second, and would continue into the third. Despite their valiant efforts, the Koopas would lose this one 6-5 in regulation.
Dxthegod: Well, before I forget, this episode is the Viewers' Special. If you would direct your attention to this pie chart, in which I am currently engaged in presenting to you, you will see why this episode is so important.
Dxthegod: According to this graph, if we don't do something about this, we will be doomed to extinction. The teal slice represents the popularity of Interviews with Wesley. The light blue... or is that purple... slice, represents Sports, while the orange is 10 Things at Random. The red slice represents Video of the Week; the dark blue area represents Weather with Darla. The majority of the graph, the purple slice, is all the random, completely off topic stuff that doesn't make any sense at all, such as an iron wearing a thong while riding a surfboard through fourty-three thousand miles of nacho cheese. And lastly, the green slice... well, that's a three dollar error in our tax rebate. Don't ask me how that got in there. Mr. Ziggles: Wait, so the orange slice was Video of the Week? Dxthegod: Correct, doomed to extinction. Gonzales: AND THAT MEANS... Dxthegod: Indeed, the square root of a potato is, contrary to what many may think, equivalent to the circumference of a half eaten bag of potato chips. Mr. Ziggles: Which PROVES that Wesley is innocent! Gonzales: ...What? Dxthegod: Come again? Mr. Ziggles: Don't you see? Dxthegod: Is it possible to elaborate your theory? Mr. Ziggles: I'm not sure! I'm afraid we need to use... *dramatic zoom and music* MATH. *dramatic music* Dxthegod: Uhh.... yea, let's not. Instead, we now go to the next segment of the show... well, it would be Interviews With Wesley, but since he's grounded, and Gonzales can't find anyone to interview, and the next option down from that, Weather with Darla, is the equivalent of grinding your butt on a cheese grater, we instead go to 10 Things at Random.
TEN THINGS AT RANDOM
Spoiler:
Dxthegod: Well, we are just about out of time here... well actually, we have a whole hour left... but since two segments of the show have been, eh... "postponed"... we go to the Video of the Week. Gonzales: Yes, meanwhile, Wesley, despite being grounded, will post on his blog, eventually, to get ideas for segments. Mr. Ziggles: Breaking news, I just lost... The... OH COME ON!!!! Gonzales: DAMN YOU MISTER Z!!! Dxthegod: FFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU---- Mr. Ziggles: DON'T LOOK AT ME, IT'S THAT DAMN SCRUFFY GUY! HE'S JUST SO DAMN CRAFTY ON THAT STUPID TELEPROCTOR!!! Dxthegod: Hahah, teleproctor...
VIDEO OF THE WEEK
Dxthegod: Wesley's interview will be postponed until next episode. Gonzales: He only has himself to blame for his grounding. Mr. Ziggles: Uh... GO, SOX!!! Dxthegod: Oh, one last thing I want to show everyone:
Gonzales: Hahahah!! You turn! Mr. Ziggles: No, you turn! Gonzales: No, you turn! Mr. Ziggles: No, you! Dxthegod: Uhh... yea... .... I'm glad you guys got the joke... um... Gonzales: NO YOU TURN! Ahah... funny stuff. :D
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Last edited by Dxthegod on Fri Mar 11, 2011 9:45 am, edited 1 time in total.
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.... I'm glad you guys got the joke... um... 
