1. Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
2. The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
3. Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.
4. Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.
5. The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
6. Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
7. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
8. What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
9. Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
10. Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
11. A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
12. If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
13. Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.
14. Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
15. Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publically claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.
16. Chuck Norris has two speeds: Walk and Kill.
17. Chuck Norris did not "lose" his virginity, he stalked it and then destroyed it with extreme prejudice.
18. The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square, until Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked one of the corners off.
19. Faster than a speeding bullet ... more powerful than a locomotive ... able to leap tall buildings in a single bound... yes, these are some of Chuck Norris's warm-up exercises.
20. Some people sing when taking a shower. The shower, however does not sing when it takes a Chuck Norris. It screams.
21. Chuck Norris can hit you so hard that he can actually alter your DNA. Decades from now your descendants will occasionally clutch their heads and yell "what the hell was that?"
22. Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.
23. Chuck Norris discovered a new theory of relativity involving multiple universes in which Chuck Norris is even more angry than in this one. When it was discovered by Albert Einstein and made public, Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him in the face. We know Albert Einstein today as Stephen Hawking.
24. The Chuck Norris military unit was not used in the game Civilization 4, because a single Chuck Norris could defeat the entire combined nations of the world in one turn.
25. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.
26. According to the Encyclopedia Brittanica, the Native American "Trail of Tears" has been redefined as anywhere that Chuck Norris walks.
27. When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
28. There are no steroids in baseball. Just players Chuck Norris has breathed on.
29. There are no races, only countries of people Chuck Norris has beaten to different shades of black and blue.
30. Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to 1CNRhK (Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick)
31. Chuck Norris’ house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.
32. How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? ...All of it.
33. Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.
34. Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.
35. The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
36. Contrary to popular belief, there is indeed enough Chuck Norris to go around.
37. Chuck Norris doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.
38. Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.
39. On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.
40. Wanna know how Chuck Norris makes coffee? He grinds the coffee beans with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.
41. Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
42. Chuck Norris doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.
43. There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma.
44. Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.
45. Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
46. Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.
47. Chuck Norris once worked as a weatherman for the San Diego evening news. Every night he would make the same forecast: Partly cloudy with a 75% chance of Pain.
48. When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
49. Using his trademark roundhouse kick, Chuck Norris once made a fieldgoal in RJ Stadium in Tampa Bay from the 50 yard line of Qualcomm stadium in San Diego.
50. Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks don't really kill people. They wipe out their entire existence from the space-time continuum.
51. Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave , because revenge is a dish best served cold.
52. Chuck Norris is currently suing MySpace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.
53. There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.
54. Once you go Norris, you are physically unable to go back.
55. Chuck Norris once sued Burger King after they refused to put razor wire in his Whopper Jr, insisting that that actually is "his" way.
56. Chuck Norris is the only person in the world that can actually email a roundhouse kick.
57. Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
58. Some kids play Kick the can. Chuck Norris played Kick the keg.
59. 'Icy-Hot' is too weak for Chuck Norris. After a workout, Chuck Norris rubs his muscles down with liquid-hot MAGMA.
60. According to Einstein's theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday.
61. Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.
62. Chuck Norris brushes his teeth with a mixture of iron shavings, industrial paint remover, and wood-grain alcohol.
63. Google won't search for Chuck Norris because it knows you don't find Chuck Norris, he finds you.
64. Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.
65. That's not Chuck Norris doing push-ups -- that's Chuck Norris moving the Earth away from the path of a deadly asteroid.
66. Q: How many Chuck Norris' does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. Chuck Norris prefers to kill in the dark.
67. Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
68. Chuck Norris uses a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
69. When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad, he turns into Chuck Norris.
70. Human cloning is outlawed because if Chuck Norris were cloned, then it would be possible for a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to meet another chuck Norris roundhouse kick. Physicists theorize that this contact would end the universe.
71. Chuck Norris once went skydiving, but promised never to do it again. One Grand Canyon is enough.
72. Chuck Norris got his drivers license at the age of 16. Seconds.
73. Chuck Norris doesn't look both ways before he crosses the street... he just roundhouses any cars that get too close.
74. Chuck Norris does not have to answer the phone. His beard picks up the incoming electrical impulses and translates them into audible sound.
75. Chuck Norris doesnt wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.
76. When chuck Norris does division, there are no remainders.
77. Chuck Norris’ roundhouse kick is so powerful, it can be seen from outer space by the naked eye.
78. He who lives by the sword, dies by the sword. He who lives by Chuck Norris, dies by the roundhouse kick.
79. Staring at Chuck Norris for extended periods of time without proper eye protection will cause blindess, and possibly foot sized bruises on the face.
80. The square root of Chuck Norris is pain. Do not try to square Chuck Norris, the result is death.
81. To be or not to be? That is the question. The answer? Chuck Norris.
82. Chuck Norris has never been in a fight, ever. Do you call one roundhouse kick to the face a fight?
83. Chuck Norris never wet his bed as a child. The bed wet itself out of fear.
84. Chuck Norris doesn't go on the internet, he has every internet site stored in his memory. He refreshes webpages by blinking.
85. Chuck Norris knows everything there is to know - Except for the definition of mercy.
86. When you say "no one's perfect", Chuck Norris takes this as a personal insult.
87. If you're driving down the road and you think Chuck Norris just cut you off, you better thank your lucky stars it wasn't the other way around.
88. If you work in an office with Chuck Norris, don't ask him for his three-hole-punch.
89. The First rule of Chuck Norris is: you do not talk about Chuck Norris.
90. When Chuck Norris plays Monopoly, it affects the actual world economy.
91. Chuck Norris once ordered a steak in a restaurant. The steak did what it was told.
92. Chuck Norris once ate four 30lb bowling balls without chewing.
93. President Roosevelt once rode his horse 100 miles. Chuck Norris carried a semi the same distance in half the time.
94. Chuck Norris' credit cards have no limit. Last weekend, he maxed them out.
95. Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
96. Every time Chuck Norris smiles, someone dies. Unless he smiles while he’s roundhouse kicking someone in the face. Then two people die.
97. In a tagteam match, Chuck Norris was teamed with Hulk Hogan against King Kong Bundy and Andre The Giant. He pinned all 3 at the same time.
98. Chuck Norris is the only person who can simultaneously hold and fire FIVE Uzis: One in each hand, one in each foot -- and the 5th one he roundhouse-kicks into the air, so that it sprays bullets.
99. For undercover police work, Chuck Norris pins his badge underneath his shirt, directly into his chest.
100. Chuck Norris has never won an Academy Award for acting... because he's not acting.
101. Chuck Norris has to register every part of his body as a separate lethal weapon. His spleen is considered a concealed weapon in over 50 states.
102. "Sweating bullets" is literally what happens when Chuck Norris gets too hot.
103. Chuck Norris has banned rainbows from the state of North Dakota.
104. They say curiosity killed the cat. This is false. Chuck Norris killed the cat. Every single one of them.
105. Chuck Norris originally wrote the first dictionary. The definition for each word is as follows - A swift roundhouse kick to the face.
106. Chuck Norris once round-house kicked a salesman. Over the phone.
107. The pen is mighter than the sword, but only if the pen is held by Chuck Norris.
108. Chuck Norris knows the last digit of pi.
109. Chuck Norris is not Politically Correct. He is just Correct. Always.
110. Chuck Norris had to stop washing his clothes in the ocean. The tsunamis were killing people.
111. Chuck Norris has volunteered to remain on earth after the Rapture; he will spend his time fighting the Anti-Christ.
112. A man once taunted Chuck Norris with a bag of Lay's potato chips, saying "Betcha can't eat just one!" Chuck Norris proceeded to eat the chips, the bag, and the man in one deft move.
113. Chuck Norris' favorite cereal is Kellogg's Nails 'N' Gravel.
114. When you play Monopoly with Chuck Norris, you do not pass go, and you do not collect two hundred dollars. You will be lucky if you make it out alive.
115. Chuck Norris once got into a fight with a one-armed Ninja. Seeing that he had an unfair advantage, Chuck Norris ripped both of his arms off and one of his legs. He then roundhouse-kicked the ninja in the head, killing him instantly, and proceeded to sow his limbs back on using only a rusty tent spike and bailing wire.
116. Most tough men eat nails for breakfast. chuck Norris does all of his grocery shopping at Home Depot.
117. Chuck Norris once roundhouse-kicked a ten dollar bill into 200 nickels.
118. Chuck Norris CAN in fact 'raise the roof'. And he can do it with one hand.
119. Life is not, in fact, like a box of chocolates. It is more like a box of Chuck Norris, roundhouse kicking you in the face. And if you receive a box of Chuck Norris, you ALWAYS know what you are going to get.
120. The best part of waking up, is not Folgers in your cup, but knowing that Chuck Norris didn't kill you in your sleep.
121. Chuck Norris doesn't own a can opener, he just chews through the can.
122. Chuck Norris invented all 32 letters of the alphabet.
123. Chuck Norris neither melts in your mouth nor in your hand. He shreds your trachea before ravaging your soul with a combination of chocolate, whiskey, roundhouse kicks, and death. Oh, and pain. Lots of pain.
124. Chuck Norris doesn't have blood. He is filled with magma.
125. Cars were invented to have a faster way of fleeing from Chuck Norris. Not to be outdone, Chuck Norris invented the car accident.
126. When Chuck Norris was born, the only person who cried was the doctor. Never slap Chuck Norris.
127. Chuck Norris got a perfect score on his SAT's, simply by writing Chuck Norris for every answer.
128. Dinosaurs went extinct because of the Chuck Norrisaurus.
129. Lightning never strikes twice in one place because Chuck Norris is looking for it.
130. Chuck norris doesn't go at the speed of light, he goes at the speed of Norris.
131. The wind of Chuck Norris’s Roundhouse Kick can be felt from 1600 million miles away.
132. Chuck Norris has held the World Championship in every weight class at the same time.
133. There is no Control button on Chuck Norris' computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.
134. Chuck Norris can split the atom. With his bare hands.
135. The United States could save billions in defense funding if they trade the Military for Chuck Norris.
136. Chuck Norris visits an active volcano every morning to get some of "the best damn espresso on Earth".
137. Chuck Norris could shoot someone and still have time to roundhouse kick him in the face before the bullet hit.
138. The world's fastest car has 7 gears. 5, 6, and Chuck Norris.
139. When Chuck Norris is ready to wake up, he tells the sun to get the above the horizon.
140. Chuck Norris once bench-pressed the entire state of Ohio, and all of its residents.
141. Chuck Norris can hold his breath for nine years.
142A. Chuck Norris invented the question mark.
142B. Chuck Norris didn't invent the question mark, because he doesn't ask questions; he just does it. And by it, he means his trademark roundhouse kick.
143. Chuck Norris dresses up as himself as a child for halloween.
144. Chuck Norris can cleanly stab someone with a ball.
145. Chuck Norris puts the laughter in manslaughter.
146. Chuck Norris brushes his teeth with barbed wire.
147. Chuck Norris eats a bowl of diamonds every morning.
148. Chuck Norris is not only a noun, but also a verb, pronoun, and adjective.
149. The first man on the moon was sent there by one of Chuck Norris' roundhouse kicks.
150. Chuck Norris has already been to Mars. That's why there is no life there.
151. Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
152. Chuck Norris has a Windows Vista computer that doesn't suck.
99% of the above facts can be found at
http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com/153. Chuck Norris has never lost the game. He is above the rules.
154. Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Chuck Norris can kill 100 percent of whatever he wants.
155. Chuck Norris can speak braille.
156. Chuck Norris can delete the Recycle Bin.
157. When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
158. If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Chuck Norris says its beef, then it's beef.
159. Giraffes were created when Chuck Norris performed an uppercut on a horse.
160. Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
161. Bill Gates lives in constant fear that Chuck Norris' PC will crash.
162. Ghosts are actually caused by Chuck Norris killing people faster than Death can process them.
163. Chuck Norris was once charged with three attempted murders but the Judge quickly dropped the charges because Chuck Norris does not "attempt" murder.
164A. When Chuck Norris looks in a mirror the mirror shatters, because not even glass is stupid enough to get in between Chuck Norris and Chuck Norris.
164B. When Chuck Norris looks at himself at a mirror, there is no reflection. There can only be one Chuck Norris.165. Chuck Norris doesn't need a miracle in order to split the ocean. He just walks in and the water moves out of the way.
166. Chuck Norris is the only person that can punch a cyclops between the eye.
167. Chuck Norris cannot predict the future; the future just does what Chuck Norris says.
168. Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.
169. Chuck Norris doesn't play "hide-and-seek." He plays "hide-and-pray-I-don't-find-you."
170. Chuck Norris once bowled a 300. Without a ball. He wasn't even in a bowling alley.
171. Chuck Norris doesn't think outside the box, he doesn't need to think because he's always right.
172. When a spider bit Peter Parker, he became Spider Man. When Chuck Norris bit Peter Parker, he became Dead Man.
173. Chuck Norris starts everyday with a protein shake made from Carnation Instant Breakfast, one dozen eggs, pure Colombian cocaine, and rattlesnake venom. He injects it directly into his neck with a syringe.
174. Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
175. Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.
176. Archeologists unearthed an old english dictionary dating back to the 13th century. It defined "victim" as "one who has encountered Chuck Norris."
177. Thousands of years ago Chuck Norris came across a bear. It was so terrified that it fled north into the arctic. It was also so terrified that all of its decendents now have white hair.
178. Rudolph has a red nose because he got lippy and Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked him across the face several times.
179. If you want a list of Chuck Norris’ enemies, just check the extinct species list.
180. Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will simply change the actual spelling of it.
181. Scientists have recently conceded that, if there were a nuclear war, all that would remain are cockroaches and Chuck Norris.
182. Chuck Norris doesn't have normal white blood cells like you and I. His have a small black ring around them. This signifies that they are black belts in every form of martial arts and they roundhouse kick the crap out of viruses. That's why Chuck Norris never gets ill.
183. After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. It was more "humane".
184. Chuck Norris has a vacation home on the sun.
185. Chuck Norris Buillt Mount Everest with a bucket and spade.
186. Chuck Norris does not age. Every birthday, it’s just another year added to his existence, which sucks for you.
187. Chuck Norris does not have chest hair, he has millions of highly venomous nematocysts. You have virtually no chance of surviving the venomous sting, unless treated immediately. The pain is so excruciating and overwhelming that you would most likely go into shock and collapse a split second before getting hit in the face with a roundhouse kick.
188. Chuck Norris had a staring contest with the sun and won.
189. If you get roundhouse kicked in the face by Chuck Norris in your dream, you DIE!
190. Chuck Norris was born in a log cabin that he built with his bare hands.
191. Some people get lucky and kill two birds with one stone. Chuck Norris once killed four birds with half a stone. What’s that? You say there’s no such thing as half a stone? The four dead birds didn’t think so either.
192. Chuck Norris puts the FUN in Funeral.
193. Chuck Norris’ paradise is war.
194. Chuck Norris is capable of photosynthesis.
195. Chuck Norris has never had a surprise birthday party. He can NEVER be surprised. EVER.
196. Chuck Norris does not love Raymond.
197. Chuck Norris can lick his own elbows. At the same time.
198. Chuck Norris doesn’t breathe, he holds air hostage.
199. Chuck Norris wrote an autobiography….it was just a list of everyone he has killed.
200. Einstein’s original Theory of Relativity was; if Chuck Norris kicks you, your relatives will feel it.
201. Bigfoot takes pictures of Chuck Norris.
202. As seen in Sidekicks, Chuck Norris can climb a rope with one hand, and one hand only.
203. Chuck Norris does not dance. He roundhouse kicks to the beat.
204. Chuck Norris can MAKE water run uphill.
205. The moon is actually a comet that was once on course to hit earth… then Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked it into orbit.
206. Chuck Norris can strike a match on a bar of soap.
207. The only reason the color pink still exists is because Chuck Norris is color blind.
208. See spot. See spot run. See spot get round house kicked in the face by Chuck Norris.
209. Niagara Falls is the result of one of Chuck’s legendary cannon balls.
210. Chuck Norris sneezes electricity.
211. Chuck Norris performs colonoscopies on himself.
212. If you were killed by Chuck Norris, your tombstone would read RIP, ripped into pieces.
213. Chuck Norris’ smile once brought a puppy back to life.
214. Chuck Norris lost both his legs in a car accident….and still managed to walk it off.
215. Contrary to popular belief the Lottery numbers are not random. They are just the number of people Chuck Norris killed that given day.
216. The agent of Chuck Norris asked Chuck if he wanted to be in Brokeback Mountain. Chuck Norris’ agent has been missing for almost 2 years now. Never ask Chuck Norris to be in a gay cowboy movie.
217. When Chuck Norris crosses the street, the cars have to look both ways.
218. Chuck Norris speaks in all caps.
219. Chuck Norris delivers more male with one thrust of his pelvis than the U.S. Postal Service and the Pony Express have combined for the last 146 years.
220. When Chuck Norris throws a boomerang, the boomerang does not return because it is scared to come back.
221. Chuck Norris floats like a butterfly and stings like a tomahawk missile. At mach 3. In the face.
222. Chuck Norris can dribble a football.
223. Chuck Norris’ IQ can be expressed simply as a sideways eight.
224. Chuck Norris is a stunt double for Optimus Prime.
225. Chuck Norris was once asked to repeat himself. The last thing that person ever heard was the whooshing sound of a roundhouse kick.
226. Chuck Norris can clap with one hand.
227. Chuck Norris had his tonsils removed with a chainsaw.
228. Chuck Norris uses Tabasco Sauce for eye drops.
229. Chuck Norris can get Blackjack with just one card.
230. People created the automobile to escape from Chuck Norris…Not to be outdone, Chuck Norris created the automobile accident.
231. Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks people in the face first and asks questions later.
232. Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
233. Archeologists in India recently uncovered a new dinosaur. It’s actually many dinosaurs but one is in the middle of all the others. The one in the middle is believed to have killed the others with a single roundhouse kick to the face. The archeologists wanted to call it Chuck Norrisaurus but the Indian government changed the name to Himotosaurous because it’s simply not possible for Mr. Norris to be killed.
234. Chuck Norris has to use a stunt double when he does crying scenes.
235. Chuck Norris successfully separated twins conjoined at the head by Roundhouse Kicking them in the face.
236. Chuck Norris wears Orion’s Belt around his pinky toe and he eats with the Big Dipper.
237. Chuck Norris doesn't go at the speed of light, he goes at the speed of Norris.
238. Before sliced bread, people used to say “That's the greatest thing since Chuck Norris”. But Chuck Norris was displeased by this. So he roundhouse kicked a loaf of bread into slices.
239. Chuck Norris’s sweat has burned holes in concrete.
240. Chuck Norris has held the World Championship in every weight class at the same time.
241. Chuck Norris is so bad he makes viruses sick. As such, Chuck Norris is also responsible for the eradication of smallpox.
242. There are four legal methods of execution in the United States: lethal injection, gas chamber, electric chair and Chuck Norris.
243. Earth’s emergency defence plan in case of alien invasion is Chuck Norris.
244. You can lead a horse to water but cannot make him drink, unless you’re Chuck Norris.
245. On Valentine’s Day, Chuck Norris gives his wife the still beating heart of one of his enemies. Being very romantic, Chuck Norris believes every day should be Valentine’s Day.
246. The Seven Wonders of the ancient world were: Chuck Norris’ left and right hands, his left and right feet, his belly button, his liver, and his beard.
247. When Chuck Norris goes to Vegas, he doesn’t have to gamble. The casinos just give him stacks of money.
248. In an emergency, Chuck Norris can be used as a floatation device.
249. The speed of light was instituted because Chuck Norris didn’t want get winded outrunning it. Chuck Norris hates to sweat.
250. If you gave Chuck Norris a typewriter and 0.000000000000000000001th of a second he can write the Complete Works of Shakespeare.
251. Chuck Norris’ beard hair is believed to be an aphrodisiac in China.
252. The helicopter was invented after Chuck Norris was observed doing 8 roundhouse kicks a second.
253. Chuck Norris eats a bowl of diamonds every morning.
254. There are only two things that can cut diamonds: other diamonds, and Chuck Norris.
255. Chuck Norris doesn't see dead people. He kills dead people.
256. In a fight between Batman and Darth Vader, the winner would be Chuck Norris.
257. Chuck Norris is my Homeboy.
258. Chuck Norris’ favorite cut of meat is the roundhouse.
259. When Chuck Norris was a baby, he didn't suck his mother's breast. His mother served him whiskey, straight out of the bottle.
260. Do you know why Baskin Robbins only has 31 flavors? Because Chuck Norris doesn't like Fudge Ripple.
261. When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail, his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather, roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.
262. The Sherman tank was originaly called the Norris tank until Chuck Norris decided it wasn't tough enough to be associated with him. The Army, for fear of Chuck Norris, renamed the tank and promised to develop a weapon more fitting of his name. To date, no weapon created has been bad enough to be named after Chuck Norris. MacGyver immediately tried to make a bomb out of some Q-Tips and Gatorade, but Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him in the solar plexus. MacGyver promptly threw up his own heart.
263. Chuck Norris proved that we are alone in the universe. We weren't before his first space expedition.
264. Every time someone uses the word "intense", Chuck Norris always replies "you know what else is intense?" followed by a roundhouse kick to the face.
265. Michael Jackson can do the Moonwalk. Chuck Norris can do the Sunwalk.
266. Chuck Norris' feminine side is manlier than the manliest man's manly side.
267. A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is "Charles". Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.
268. Chuck Norris ate Forrest Gump's box of chocolates because he wanted to see what life was like.
269. It was Chuck Norris who blew-up planet Vegeta; not because Saiyans could compete with him, but because they weren't competive at all.
270. When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.
271. Deaf people can hear Chuck Norris.
272. Back in the 1600's, Chuck Norris's drunk hobby was writing. His pen name was "William Shakespeare".
273. Chuck Norris can speak Braille.
274. Chuck-a-phobia: The Fear of your head exploding after over exposure to Chuck Norris.
275. When Chuck Norris drinks beer, he prefers the tears of the Dos Equis man. And Chuck Norris is always thirsty.
276. Chuck Norris didn't put his kids through college. He roundhouse kicked college into little pieces and put it through THEM.
277. There used to be a street named after Chuck Norris, but it was changed because nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives.
278. Death once had a near-Chuck Norris experience.
279. Chuck Norris can cut a hot knife with butter.
280. Chuck Norris' cowboy boots are made of real cowboys.
281. Chuck Norris once put out a forest fire... using only gasoline.
282. Chuck Norris and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing his underwear on the outside of his pants.
283. Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
284. MacGyver can build a bomb out of paper clips, rubber bands, and soda cans. Chuck Norris can build a bomb out of MacGyver.
285. The sheep on Chuck Norris' farm are the ones that give us steel wool.
286. When Chuck Norris tells time, time obeys.
287. When Chuck Norris has surgery, the anesthesia is applied to the doctors.
289. Chuck Norris can create a rock so heavy, not even he can lift it. Then he'll lift it just to show you who Chuck Norris is.
290. Chuck Norris does not know where you live, but he knows where you will die.
291. Whenever Chuck Norris came home late as a teen, his parents were grounded.
292. Chuck Norris kicked planet earth, and it hasn't stopped spinning to this day.
293. Chuck Norris can answer a missed call.
294. Chuck Norris died 20 years ago, Death just hasn't built up the courage to tell him yet.
295. Chuck Norris once urinated in a semi truck's gas tank as a joke. That truck is known today as Optimus Prime.
296. Chuck Norris doesn't need Twitter, he's already following you.
297. The U.S. Constitution ACTUALLY reads "All men are created equal - except Chuck Norris, who was created better."
298. Chuck Norris doesn't need a GPS. Chuck Norris decides where he is.
299. Everybody tries to be perfect. Perfection tries to be Chuck Norris.
300. Chuck Norris was denied auditioning for "Mission Impossible", for obvious reasons.
301. When Chuck Norris was asked if he believed that the world was going to end in 2012 he resonded: "Depends how I'm feeling that day."
302. Chuck Norris was in all 6 Star Wars movies........ as The Force.
303. Chuck Norris can single handedly surround his victims.
304. Chuck Norris once caught AIDS, but then he let it go.
305. Chuck Norris can light a fire by rubbing two ice-cubes together.
306. Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.
307. Chuck Norris can hear his phone ring on silent.
308. Hitler didn't kill himself becuase they were losing the war. He killed himself because Chuck Norris joined the army.
309. Only Chuck Norris can dislike on Facebook.
310. Chuck Norris once got bit by a rattlesnake. After three days of pain and agony, the rattlesnake died.
311. Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
312. Chuck Norris has a Facebook account.................................On MySpace.
313. Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.Newest additions in bold!
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